Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time ~Oswald Chambers

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Tears From A Broken Heart (Part 2)

It was Monday night.  It was bedtime.  And it was obvious she wanted to sleep with Lauren again.

Lauren was willing though I had my doubts about letting this become a pattern.

About 10 or 15 minutes after tucking them in for the night, Lauren appears at my bedroom door.

"Mommy!  You need to come here.  Lily was telling me something in bed and I don't know what to do!"

We went back upstairs where the four of us (Lauren, Caroline, Lily and I) each found a spot on Lauren's increasingly popular bed and Lily explained to me through gestures and broken English what she had told Lauren.

When she was little and was out in public, people would point at her.
They would point at her hands.
They would laugh.
They were mean.
And it hurt.

As she lay in bed, she stretched out her arms as far as she could and said:

"I want...I want...I want...hands."  

Deep breath in.  And exhale.

I never expected her to be this open this soon.  I wondered how to tell her everything I wanted her to know with the limited communication we had.

So I prayed silently and then began.

I told her about a place where no one was ever sick or hurting.  No one was mean or angry.  A place where our bodies were new and lacked nothing.  A place called heaven.

I told her about a man, who was God, who came from heaven.  He never did anything wrong.  Only good.  And He was punished for all the wrong things we do, things we deserve to be punished for.  He took that punishment for us because He loves us.  His name is Jesus.

I told her that those who love Him and believe He is true get to go to that special place and be with Him forever.

And I told her that He knew her in China, that He's always known her and that He is the One who told us in our hearts to go and bring her here to be in our family.

I watched her face as her little mind stretched to find the words to ask questions or make comments.  I had never seen her try so earnestly to communicate with us.

And then she asked me something that I will never forget:

"No eyes, no ears, no hands, too?"
(The other children at the orphanage.  The blind.  The deaf.  Those missing limbs.  Does He know them?  Does He love them too?)

Another deep breath.

"So, so much.  He knows each and every one and loves them so much." 

 Because of the language barrier I felt like my responses were so inadequate for the need.  Like the boy who only had 5 loaves and 2 fishes to feed the 5,000.

But in His hands the food was multiplied.
And it satisfied.
And there was more than enough for all who hungered.

And I pray the same thing for my sweet girl.

That her hunger for love would be satisfied in Him.
That her hurting heart would find healing in Him.

And that I would be faithful to point her to Him with every chance I'm given.

"A broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."  Psalm 51:17



  1. Thank you so much for sharing, Angela! I am so blessed and excited and challenged by how the Lord is blessing your family, even when it's not easy. Love you all and are praying for you!

  2. Thank you for sharing. I think you did a brilliant job...

  3. Angela, I had not read your blog site until today(Wednesday). Our Lord has blest this sweet little girl with an amazing Mother(and Father). He will surely give you the words you need and the guidance to fulfill them.I know this, too. As He has certainly been with me. You have so much love to give and the biggest heart I know of (other than our Lord's). I love you, Sweet Daughter. Mom

  4. Wow, I never even noticed her hands. Just a look at that face, that grin distracts me from anything else. I don't see why people must stare and point at others' as if they cannot see.

    She will heal, with your love. With the love of God, with His blessings and mercies.

    leily (Singapore)

  5. Chills!! Wow. Amazing to be already dealing with this. Thanks for sharing!

  6. Angela, I know you are so busy. Thank you for taking the time to share how God is working in your life and in Lily's. She is such a beautiful LIGHT.

  7. Lilly has no idea now how blessed she is. As she grows and learns, she will realize, as we all have, what an amazing and wonderful person you are and how lucky she is to have you as a Momma and the rest of the children as siblings. Love you very much and hope to see all of you soon.

  8. Oh, Angela, you have messed up my makeup!!

    You handled that so well! Thanks for sharing such wisdom.
    Lily is so beautiful and precious.
    Yes, you are blessed to have her- but after this post it is clear to see that she is SO blessed to have been placed (by God) in your family. God knew that she would need you to be able to work through all the hard times she's endured in China.

    Thanks for sharing.

  9. So beautiful how we have the opportunity every day to point these little ones to the Savior. You are such a wonderful mama!

  10. Thank you for sharing your words and wisdom. Oh, what our children have been through.. breaks my heart and yet so thankful they are ours!!!

    And my heart was full reading how she wanted to pray!!! Only GOD!!!!

  11. I've been following your site since China, and I never even noticed her hands. Poor kiddo to have to deal with that so early. I'm so thankful she's now loved by parents here on earth like she's always been loved by God.

  12. Oh my. OH my. Breathe in. Breathe out.
    Lily is so blessed to have been grafted into your family ~ a family who can and will show her what it is to be loved through our Heavenly father!
    What a sweet story. Tears rolled each time I read it.

  13. Thank you for sharing your honest post. It really hits home for our family. Our 7 year old son is waiting for us and longang. He also is missing fingers on both hands in part of his foot as well. you really gave is inspiration how you handled the situation. I wonder if our children new each other, his name nane Pingnan.

  14. Beautiful words. Tears! Thank you for sharing on WAGI, that's how I found your blog. We have a 3 yr. old Taiwanese angel who's been home since 7 months...but, we are working so hard on bonding and attachment. So, I'm thankful for our face-to-face adoption support group, BUT doubly thankful to
    God for blogging mothers like you whose words I can read in the personal quiet moments inside my 4 safe walls! Blessings to you and your family! Jackie @


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