Two Days

Two more days and then we leave.
And my thoughts are pretty much all over the board this week.

Ranging anywhere from eager anticipation of what He has planned
to the...
ohmygoodnessIcan'tbelievethatIactuallythoughtIcouldtaketwokids toChinaallbymyselfwhatwasIthinkingthisisabsolutelyinsane
kind of thoughts.

And I bounce back and forth between the two extremes.

I look at the suitcases full of supplies and donations and am in awe of His provision.
And then I look at my little one who's cried himself to sleep a few nights at the thought of us leaving and I doubt.

I remember how intricately He orchestrated everything...the tickets, the timing, the provisions.
And in the same moment I feel a wave of panic at the thought of airports, and airplanes, and customs.

But He knows all this.

And it's no coincidence that we've been in the book of Exodus this week reading about the Israel's deliverance from Egypt.

And I see Him there.

The God who goes before and behind.  Who leads in a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night.  The One who never departs from those He leads.

I see Him and am encouraged.
Because their God is my God.

But I also see myself there.

In that passage that tells of a people who have seen the plagues fall, the seas part, and the enemy swallowed up right before their eyes.  A people who saw and believed in Him whose power had granted them freedom.

And yet...

Before the last notes of the song of praise offered up to their Deliverer had quieted, they raised a chorus of complaint. 

No doubt things weren't easy.
Three days in the desert.
Nothing to drink but bitter water.
But they looked to their circumstances instead of to their God.
And they grumbled.

And I feel that tension this week.
That temptation.
To forget all that He's done to bring us to this point
and to simply feel overwhelmed by what remains and what's unknown, and what's completely out of my control
instead of being overwhelmed by His goodness.

With two days to leave, there is a lot going on.
Tensions rise, tempers flare and tears fall.
The week shortens but the to do list doesn't.
Anxiety and doubt beat down my door reasoning that it only makes sense to let them in given the circumstances.

It is a battle.

But tucked away in this passage of freedom and forgetfulness is one of my favorite promises:

Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.

It is a battle, but He is the One who fights.

Fear not.
Stand firm.
Be still.

I will fight for you.

And in these next two days
as suitcases are packed
tears are wiped
hearts are comforted
airports are explored
timezones are crossed
and the least of these are loved

that is my prayer.

That the enemies that I see today, the fear and anxiousness and doubt, will not have their way
but that He will have His.
And that He will orchestrate whatever circumstances He think best
be it deliverance or desert
so that all might see His glory in the battle.
and all might know that He is the Lord.